180

since yesterday my mood has done a 180.

Greg and i finished up the bike last night and got it running without any hangups that i can think of. the bike runs pretty strong and we're super hyped about the opening weekend in 2 days. i think greg is a little nervous... given his experiences in racing the big bikes a couple years ago it's perfectly understandable. i think as soon as he gets through the first practice he'll be right back in it. i wouldn't be surprised if he's running the same lap times as me once he gets the hang of the bike.

i told him to low side it durring practice to get that out of his head. i remember my first race of last season after i broke my collar bone i was riding somewhat slow and scared. then, finally (last race of the weekend i think), i lowsided in turn 4 (3rd gear left hander) and tumbled off the track. after doing that i felt much better about being back on the bike. it was one of my rougher get offs, but i didn't really get hurt. mentally it did a lot of good.

on another note...

ayden got in trouble at school yesterday. him and a little mexican kid kept saying "shit" over and over. haha... i can't help but be proud in some way, but at the same time i remember that feeling in my stomach when i got in trouble in school as a little kid. i didn't like it... i hope he doesn't either.

i miss him so much... i took him to school on monday morning and when i put him down in his class room he just stood there with his head slumped over. then the teacher hurried him over to a near by chair at a little table and got him some gold fish to snack on. he just sat there and stared at the tabel... i said "bye ayden!" as i was walking out the door and he just sat there and looked at me... he looked so sad that i was leaving him. i still can't get over the fact that i can't be there with him everyday. i can't make him eat his dinner, play airplane with him and have our daily goodnight routine. i know that having him the way i do also has it's advantages... the time we do spend together is that much more special and memorable, but i can't help but feel like i'm missing out on so much of his daily life. i also have virtually no input on disaplin or morals at this point in his life. i think as he gets older i can have more of a pull in this department due to better comunication skills on his part. i'm doing the best i can given the situation, but i'll never feel like its good enough.